Do unto others...

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"...
Sounds wise, pragmatic and even doable.

In fact, I have long used this as a guiding principle in determining my conduct with people. And still there have been times when this has led me to place of selfishness and bad choices - all completely unintentionally.

I have now realized that using ourselves as the standard for treating others is often a bad choice because it sets us up as some form of a moral rubric. Following this maxim has often led me to do things that I believe are right for me, not necessarily things that are right for the other person.

How would someone want to be told of a bad news - clearly in writing or rambling in person?
How would you like to deal with a bad memory or experience - bury it, live in it constantly, fight it constantly or succumb to it?
Would you rather vent in rage and move on or silently process it, forgive and forget?
What do you do with a wound? Dress it and wait for it heal, leave it open as a reminder of the things that went wrong or pick on it till you have a scar for your lifetime?
Do you console them? Do you mourn with them? Do you remind them of better days or do you offer them hope?
Do you talk them out and give them attention or do you give them space?
Different people react differently and need different things. When we do to them, what we would have them do unto us, we are taking the choice away from them. We are imposing our standards and our choices on someone else. We end up putting ourselves above their needs and that often leads us to making bad choices with the best of intentions.

What is best for you may not be the best for me... How then do we navigate this?
What does one do? How do you treat a person with the kindness and love they truly deserve? How do you give them what they truly need at the moment?

I don't quite have all the answers but the first step to identifying a solution is to find the problem, and in my mind that is the problem. Being a kind human being means being able to recognize what the person needs at that moment and to give them that - and nothing else.

If you know someone well enough, these choices might become easier and intuitive, if not, it might be best to just ask them. Because sometimes, all we want to do is be helpful and do our bit. But in the process, we may just end up becoming a part of the problem and not of the solution.

From nowhere to somewhere...

I was never quite fond of airports. 

They were always impersonal, artificial and aseptically clean of any and all human emotions. Despite my wanderlust and the fact that they were my portals to trips, vacations, exciting memories and wonderful life experiences; airports remained these strange places of transit, that I associated being somewhere and no where. 

They were always laced with a certain anxiety - of ticking clocks, uncertain time-zones, long queues, uncomfortable chairs, overpriced coffee and the likes. Somehow, the angst of parting from someone always weighed over the excitement of getting to some new place. And often times, the anxiety and excitement of getting to a new place left me in a state of limbo in the airport - a state of transit. I was never a frequent traveler and airports were associated with a state of weariness in my mind. A weariness that accompanies that frantic activity of packing up, finishing chores, meeting deadlines, making preparations and actually getting somewhere. 

Yes, I know. I am making even a vacation sound like a task - but the truth is that when one is doing everything, even the good things take a toll on you. 

And so airports were always these impersonal spaces where nothing good or horrible really happened. 

That was, of course till a year ago when airports started making their presence felt in my life. 

Now, I have some of my fondest memories in the aseptic corridors and halls of an airport. Of meeting the people I love, of falling into an unexpected embrace and never wanting to let go. What began with a personal story, one july morning in an airport, has grown into something unexpected. A friendship that seems to grow stronger with time. A relationship that seems to evolve with time. 

Airports have become imbued with unexpected meaning and memories. What after all is the meaning of driving 3 hours to meet someone for 1 hour at an airport? Irrationality reigns supreme in many of these moments and yet I have not regretted them. 

Memories of stories over cups of coffee. Memories of shared meals and laughter. All in those very same aseptic corridors. What used to be laced with memories of anxiety, tension and interminable waits to get some place, now feels like a place in itself. A place that has an existence of its own. A place that triggers emotions and memories - things I want to hold onto. 

Things I am in no hurry, whatsoever, to forget. 

It is amazing how places become so much more when we have memories associated with them.