Two lives...

We are friends. Two friends who are bound by complementarity than similarity. Two people, whose hearts and souls are bound together as their minds and lives are moving apart. We are different. As different as people can be. She lives her life with others beliefs and I believe in making every mistake on my own. She lives in faith while i have worked hard to move away from it. I am strong-willed and want to build my life on my own while she is accommodating and ever so obedient. She believes in the power of the almighty and i in the human mind and spirit.

Could such different people be friends ? Seems unlikely, but we were. For nearly a decade now... through ups and downs and life's various trials.... As i fought through them and she made peace with them... Different approaches but who's to say what's better and what's not.

But today, we stand at the crossroads. She is walking on roads that she is not sure of but is doing so because people who love her have told her so. She walks in faith holding on to nothing but hope. They tell her life is a quicksand and we must all dive in to battle it and she has decided to take the plunge. I try telling her that this is not the only way and that there are other places in the world where the ground is hard and fertile and where flowers bloom. Where the sun shines not to burn you but to warm you, where the rains bring you joy and not a flood of tears, where happiness is attainable and not merely the horizon at the distance. I tell her and I wait. I wait for her call to pull her out. of these mires. But I can't do anything else because it is her life and her choice after all. I stand in the corner, feeling lost and helpless, counting my options and biding my time. Hoping that she will look back, hear my pleas and turn around. I want her to make her choice on her own, knowing fully well all the other options that she has before her.

Life is not just about one way. There are many ways and many places and we need to make those informed choices on our own. Not because someone else thinks they are right but because we think they are right. I want to scream out to her so she knows that we build our lives by our own two hands. No one else, not even her "God" up there will do that for us. We have to battle it out and build our lives. We have to make our choices, make our mistakes and live our lives. I want to pull her back but something holds me back... It's her life and I can't live it for her. I have to let go and its my lesson to learn.

But dear friend, I wish you 'd understand all that I am trying hard to not tell you. I wish you all the happiness in the world on this new journey of yours but please know that even though i might be on a different road, i will always be there for you. And I am just a call away. I wish that the quicksand i see ahead is nothing but a mirage and i hope that you are walking on a steady ground. I wish you all the happiness and the joy, because you deserve it and its time you had your share of the good things in life.

I realize that one of the most difficult things in life is to "let" people you care for make mistakes and go down roads that you know are wrong. But... its my lesson to learn and my road to take...

Writer's block...

With the ticking of the clock,
I can feel a writer's block.
nothing seems too good to write,
and no idea seems too bright.

My head is teeming with thoughts,
but they are all tied up in knots.
Have I lost my muse,
Or is that just a ruse ?

Sometimes, for lack of words, I am holding on to thoughts,
And at other times, for lack of thoughts, i am holding on to words.
I wish i could fit my thoughts into words,
and set them free from the chords.

I wish to see the end of this block...
I hope to find the key to this lock.
To set out my thoughts from the dock,
against the wind and against the rock...

Great expectations....

We build our lives and our relationships on the foundations of expectations...
Expectations we have from ourselves, expectations we have from others, expectations from certain days, lives and events....

Our lives are built on this soil of expectations. Sometimes soft and porous , helping us grow and yet sometimes hard and difficult as a rock... Expectations can work either ways...

Great expectations from oneself lead one to aspire for bigger achievements and is only motivational which is a of course a good thing! Like the fertile soils of a rich land they can help one bloom and realize one's true potential. The problem however arises when we have expectations out of others. What should or shouldn't be done by them, what should or shouldn't be said by them! This is the root cause for many a problems. At this point our expectations become like solid rock - rigid, strong and even brittle. They give way ever so often leaving us feeling neglected, unwanted and blue... Contemplation only reveals the cause to be expectation. Someone or something just did not match up to our expectations.

Why have expectations ? Why can't we build our lives free of this soil....? Can these be transformed ?

No matter how much I steer of this one folly, i find myself drifting towards it every now and then. As a relationship deepens or a friendship blossoms, we start building a framework in our mind of how things should be... we start expecting. And then our expectations keep increasing till the point that they are not realized and then we are stranded with a broken heart or a troubled mind. I am lost in the maze of expectations and i see myself struggling to get out of this vicious cycle ever so often. I do manage to but then its never without a blue day and quite a few hours of introspection.... I try to bubble wrap my relationships so that they are not drowned in this flood of expectations but rarely am i successful in my endeavors.

I wish I knew...a way to escape from this maze. To stop expecting and to be able to live each day and each relationship as a new beginning.

The Paradox of Life

A bit beyond perception's reach
I sometimes believe I see
that Life is two locked boxes, each
containing the other's key.

Piet Hein, Danish mathematician, physicist, philosopher, writer and creator of puzzles and games.

The circle of life...

A long time ago, a little girl came into the world as a daughter to parents who doted on her. She was the apple of their eye and they worked at protecting her from the harsh climes of the world.

She loved her daddy and he made her want to be just like him. He inspired in her the qualities of discipline, hard work, honesty and determination. Her mother imbibed in her the strength and the courage to face life as it came. Under the watchful eyes of her parents, she grew up to be a young adult with a mind of her own. She rebelled customs, traditions and norms and grew up questioning almost everything her parents believed in. They tried their best to fit her ideas into their world but it was always a compromise on both ends. She pursued her dreams and developed her ideas as her family helped her to soar. She wanted to excel at everything as her father and he became a role model to look up to. She grew up in her parents' shadow learning from their mistakes and building her own life minute by minute, year by year!

It was only a matter of time that she grew up and could respect their views without giving up on her own. She agreed to disagree with her parents on many accounts and learnt to respect them for their opinions and for the life they built together. She was learning the necessity for honesty and diplomacy in conveying her point of view. She was an adult and was growing up in the likeness of her father, just as she wanted!

She was still daddy's little girl though who always knew that he will be there to set things right and to help her with all her decisions. She grew up believing that her parents will watch over her just as they always have. She fought their shadow at times but she knew that she treasured the shade it provided.

But then one day, her dad called asking her for the solution to a problem.

She felt the shadow moving. She was no longer Daddy's little girl who could run to him for every little problem seeking comfort. She was an adult now and was responsible for them. Life had indeed come a full circle. It was that time when they needed the strength and the support to carry on with life as they knew. It was a time when their mind and body would both begin to fail them but she needed to be there to make a difference...

The shadow she fought all her life to walk away from was now moving and she could feel the heat ...

She could no longer be the little girl who thought "My daddy is the strongest"...

Life does come a full circle...