Impressions...

Instinct, intuition, hunch, gut feeling, chemistry, spark, love/hate at first sight... 

These are all words that I have always been skeptical about. They seemed like these mystical abilities that some people boasted of but i never felt like i had.

When people said that they liked a couple's chemistry, I wondered, what is chemistry ? There is nothing magical that sparks between people when they meet or talk ! Its camaraderie which grows with the investment of time, energy and effort. There is nothing instantaneous about it. What does "love at first sight" even mean ? That is just physical attraction, isn't it ? I was always a skeptic when it came to those first impressions. After all what can you say with one look or one email or one conversation ? One day could always be a bad day. Could also just be nerves, excitement, tension, worry... It could be an error in judgement. It could be a slip. "May be I am being too harsh and too judgmental" - its what I always told myself ! 

Yet, I knew that every second, every minute, I was making these first impressions - of people, ideas, books, places. Of anything and everything. And so for a long time now, I had made a conscious effort to move away from this natural instinct and to give things the benefit of a second-sight and even hind-sight. But today, I am forced to admit that things are probably different. My own experience is proving me wrong. Not because i fell in love at first sight or saw some sparks fly.... ;P 

But I am amazed at how very often my first impressions turn out to be my last ones..... how if I find someone or something objectionable (even if for no apparent reason), i will keep finding myself uncomfortable around it or them even after the many chances. Sometimes, the benefit of doubt is only benefiting me to pin-point the reason for what i like or don't like and why it may be !!

Knowing that on most occasions, your instinct is probably right is a scary and unnerving thought in some ways but also relieving in some others. Today when I am forced to judge people and their characters by one email or by one paragraph, I twinge at the irrationality of it. But over the past few months, I have seen that what we pick up in the first glance only deepens with time. Rarely have I had to do a complete volte-face on my first impression. Yes, yes, i know ! There are people out there who would say that it is just confirmation bias doing its work. You form your opinion and then find reasons to support it. I cannot completely rule out the possibility but then even when I have been certain about not going by my first instinct and consciously admitted that I may be wrong, eventually, i have been proven to be right. Its strange but it seems that our conscious mind takes longer to recognize the imperceptible nuances that something deeper (call it sub-conscious) latches onto immediately.

I am certainly no big fan of "love at first sight" even now, but I do think, very often in our first impressions, we form a quick but fairly accurate picture of the situation in front of us. Its quick and dirty but its effective too. After all, it would have given us all a survival edge in our evolutionary struggle. We probably react to words, appearances, body language, context, choices, etc and quickly elicit a gut reaction (and that term is hardly a metaphor these days with a lot of studies on the close connection between the central and enteric nervous systems). We are still not able to rationally dissect out our reasons, the causes and effects, but we know what we are dealing with. We either like it or we don't.  Yes, it makes us prejudiced and makes rationality more difficult but it certainly helps in a world filled with dangers. 

And while this realization makes me more confident of my instinct and my choices, it also makes me scared. Scared of being prejudiced and judgmental. Scared of being a victim of my strength. 

I guess, one needs to be more confident of one's instincts but one also needs to watch out for all that the mind can conjure when not being led by reason and evidence. 

Phew... can nothing in life be a little simple and straight forward !! 

L'chaim !

A few years ago, there was once a time that I questioned every festival and every symbol, ritual or occasion. To me, they represented blind-obedience, social servitude, lack of resistance to pressure and weakness. 

To me, every day was just another day - be it a Birthday, a festival, an anniversary or the new year's day. Even though I loved the celebration, I rebelled at the thought of people celebrating just for the sake of tradition.

But with time and age, I am a little bit wiser now. I have come to accept and even like, festivals, special days and occasions. 

I take them now as moments and milestones to pause and wonder, to reflect and retrospect. To celebrate and to thank, to look at the past gone-by and to look forward to the future. I see them as opportunities that can symbolically take us down a new road and help us make a fresh beginning. The food definitely is a bonus !! ;-)

I now realize that life is more than just being in constant state of struggle. It is and should be a celebration (I know I sound like one of those fast mushrooming, self-help books... ;p). But the truth is that I honestly think I should remember that). I grew up learning to prize austerity, modesty, simplicity, suffering, criticism and excellence. Celebrations, satisfaction, appreciation were often seen with circumspection because they made us settle for "less than perfection". But with years, I have learnt that sometimes perfection is just an elusive ideal. It's good to aim for it but it's also important to appreciate what has been achieved.

And so as another year rolls by, I hope that there will be new adventures coming along and that there will be new milestones to be achieved. 

I know that new year's eve is just another day but it gives me an opportunity to just sit down and reflect and hope. Some periods of time are not the most memorable and sometimes even though you make all the right moves, things don't fall in place. So, I wish that for all those people who are near and dear to me, the coming year is better than all their previous ones as it brings them new hopes and new joys to cherish. I hope that it gives them time to pause, reflect and rejoice, because sometimes in our race against deadlines and to-do lists, we forget to live. And then ultimately, when we are forced to stop, we realize that we have completely missed all that we worked towards. 

And so, even though it might be just another day, I hope that as you change the calendars tomorrow, things also change for the better in your life. 

Happy new Year !! 

L'chaim !!!