Impressions...

Instinct, intuition, hunch, gut feeling, chemistry, spark, love/hate at first sight... 

These are all words that I have always been skeptical about. They seemed like these mystical abilities that some people boasted of but i never felt like i had.

When people said that they liked a couple's chemistry, I wondered, what is chemistry ? There is nothing magical that sparks between people when they meet or talk ! Its camaraderie which grows with the investment of time, energy and effort. There is nothing instantaneous about it. What does "love at first sight" even mean ? That is just physical attraction, isn't it ? I was always a skeptic when it came to those first impressions. After all what can you say with one look or one email or one conversation ? One day could always be a bad day. Could also just be nerves, excitement, tension, worry... It could be an error in judgement. It could be a slip. "May be I am being too harsh and too judgmental" - its what I always told myself ! 

Yet, I knew that every second, every minute, I was making these first impressions - of people, ideas, books, places. Of anything and everything. And so for a long time now, I had made a conscious effort to move away from this natural instinct and to give things the benefit of a second-sight and even hind-sight. But today, I am forced to admit that things are probably different. My own experience is proving me wrong. Not because i fell in love at first sight or saw some sparks fly.... ;P 

But I am amazed at how very often my first impressions turn out to be my last ones..... how if I find someone or something objectionable (even if for no apparent reason), i will keep finding myself uncomfortable around it or them even after the many chances. Sometimes, the benefit of doubt is only benefiting me to pin-point the reason for what i like or don't like and why it may be !!

Knowing that on most occasions, your instinct is probably right is a scary and unnerving thought in some ways but also relieving in some others. Today when I am forced to judge people and their characters by one email or by one paragraph, I twinge at the irrationality of it. But over the past few months, I have seen that what we pick up in the first glance only deepens with time. Rarely have I had to do a complete volte-face on my first impression. Yes, yes, i know ! There are people out there who would say that it is just confirmation bias doing its work. You form your opinion and then find reasons to support it. I cannot completely rule out the possibility but then even when I have been certain about not going by my first instinct and consciously admitted that I may be wrong, eventually, i have been proven to be right. Its strange but it seems that our conscious mind takes longer to recognize the imperceptible nuances that something deeper (call it sub-conscious) latches onto immediately.

I am certainly no big fan of "love at first sight" even now, but I do think, very often in our first impressions, we form a quick but fairly accurate picture of the situation in front of us. Its quick and dirty but its effective too. After all, it would have given us all a survival edge in our evolutionary struggle. We probably react to words, appearances, body language, context, choices, etc and quickly elicit a gut reaction (and that term is hardly a metaphor these days with a lot of studies on the close connection between the central and enteric nervous systems). We are still not able to rationally dissect out our reasons, the causes and effects, but we know what we are dealing with. We either like it or we don't.  Yes, it makes us prejudiced and makes rationality more difficult but it certainly helps in a world filled with dangers. 

And while this realization makes me more confident of my instinct and my choices, it also makes me scared. Scared of being prejudiced and judgmental. Scared of being a victim of my strength. 

I guess, one needs to be more confident of one's instincts but one also needs to watch out for all that the mind can conjure when not being led by reason and evidence. 

Phew... can nothing in life be a little simple and straight forward !!