Chasing life and yet/so far from it...

Q - What do you want to be when you grow up ? 

A - X/Y/Z

Q - But why X/Y/Z ? 

A - Because it makes me happy (or at least I think it will make me happy). 

Q - Can you not be happy right now with what you have than by aspiring to be something and putting "living" on hold for that... ? 

 A - I wonder.... 

For so long I have been working towards a goal, an aim, that my life feels like a constant quest. There have been new milestones with every success, new questions with every answer, that it feels like the hunt is always on. 

And as I look at M, I wonder if it is the right thing to do ?

M seems happy with his life though I can see that he could have done things very differently. He could have made different choices and built a very different life where he could have fully exercised his potential. He is smart and capable and I can see that he could have been somewhere else, very different, if he had tried or wanted. Instead, he chose differently and now after almost two decades, he probably doesn't like his work so much but he is happy. He is at peace with his choices and is finding happiness by living his life. He seems to do all that I want to do at some point in the future - biking, playing, traveling, family-ing (yes, i made a verb out of it) and a little working..

I on the other hand, am at that point in life, where I have to make those choices. Should I put my life on hold and work towards something I think will make me happy. A work that (I think) will help me realize my true potential and make me happy about working or should I just live. Live with freedom. Live without to-do lists, deadlines, goals, aims, questions, decisions, dilemmas and the likes of them that plague every seeker. Or, should I just settle with one aspect of my life, so that I can actually start living with the rest of it.

What will happen two decades later ? I wonder. Would I have found the happiness I am looking for or would I still be looking... ? Some say happiness is a state of mind and I think I agree. But can you be happy when you are looking at something better and bigger all the time ? Or do you actually learn to reconcile fact and fiction. Do you learn to enjoy the chase or do you learn to settle with what you have without the chase...? Are we losing our life to chasing an elusive dream or is life woven in the chase itself ?

I guess only time will tell...