Words of wisdom...

After a while(You learn)

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and that you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
with every goodbye you learn...

- Veronica A. Shoffstall

If you want to walk fast, walk alone. If you want to walk far, walk together. - African proverb Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in.

- Alan Alda 

 There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. 
- Leonard Cohen 

Bubble-wrap...

Bubble-wrap. Fairly transparent, unseemingly sturdy and exquisitely protective. So simple and yet so desirable. The world would be a broken place without it.
It cloaks and shields in a way that your most delicate belongings can breathe and still survive a tough ride.

How very magical...

So much so that on some days, that is all I want. Some bubble-wrap.

To wrap myself and stay away from all that is wrong in the world and all that can go wrong - because as Murphy says, what can go wrong, will go wrong.

There are days when I want the world outside to be muffled because the voices in my head are loud enough. When I want to be sealed into a safe place without being suffocated.
There are days, when I want something as reliable as bubble-wrap just so I can tread out a little and come back to safety it if things get too rough. Having that sanctuary within my reach made me a little more daring, a little more adventurous - to take that extra step and to walk that extra mile. Because I knew there was a safe place within my grasp.

There was a time when my relationships would do just that. Bubble wrap me - giving me the time and space to heal, to recuperate. They were but a phone call away. Today, they feel far - separated by time and space, the folds that cocooned me seem to have become bigger, more open. Time and space have taken us farther apart, a little each day. Not too far but far enough for me miss that tight niche. To miss those embraces that would hush me to sleep on a bad day. To miss those gentle folds that would give me my space and yet shield me from the worst of world.

There are days when that's all I want - my bubble-wrap.

Life lessons..

We wade into some relationships, unsure and ready to bolt.
We walk into some others, thinking all will be well.

Some glide us through, like on a gentle feather.
Some fling us about, like a raging tornado.
Some carry us away, like an ocean's powerful sway.
Some guide us through turbulence, becoming our own little parachute.
Some keep us grounded and secure, like the roots of an age-old banyan.
Some leave us scarred, like the old burn mark, that stings a little even after the years.
Some hold our hands and wait for us to lead.
Some lead us out of darkness, like the moonlight on a dark night.
Some stand by our side, and some fester in our hide.


We wade into some relationships, unsure and ready to bolt.
We walk into some others, thinking all will be well.

Life is all about the sum of these relationships and the lessons we learn from them.

Slow down...

Running has always symbolized everything desirable in the world for me - freedom, effort, reward, stamina, endurance, solitude and perhaps most importantly, free-spiritedness. Running with the wind-in-my hair brought me closer to myself and strangely to the world around me. The steady rhythm of my pulsing heart and the rhythmic footfalls would often take me to a place of peace and rest - far from the turmoil of the world. 

It was the one thing that I have always wanted to do - even when I couldn't actually do it. When my breaths were clouded by puffs of asthalin or when my lungs hated the very air they breathed refusing to cooperate - running was all I wanted to do. Not swimming, not tennis, not pilates - just running. Years of steroids, anti-histamines and inhalers later, I can run today! Perhaps not a marathon yet, but I am a lot better than where I started out from a couple of years ago - gasping and wheezing my way to the kilometer mark.

Over the years, even as this simple act of putting one foot ahead of another at a steady clip has morphed my body, it has also constantly moulded my mind. In fact, I am probably still trying to learn my most important lesson - to slow down.

A simple five letter word - speed, has stood for all that is good and desirable for so long. Speed, to me, always correlated with efficiency and was always desirable and subject to improvement. Despite the childhood stories of the hare and the tortoise, I only learnt to blame the over-confidence and lack of consistency of the hare, not its speed. 

But that was the understanding of youth - where faster meant better. 

Today, I know the virtues of being slow and steady and I also know that I have always tried to run faster than I should. Both on the road and in life - making speed my biggest handicap. 

My biggest weakness.

The one thing that would restrict me to shorter distances and hold me back with longer recoveries. 

I had always pushed myself too hard. I was the survivor who was trained to pick the difficult option at every intersection, because 'life is never easy'. I was the one who pushed myself in every way imaginable, chasing dreams, passions and goals - so much so that life felt like a long, interminable marathon, where I was breathless for a large part of the way. 

In my eagerness to finish, I would run faster and harder - only to tire myself sooner and further. It was a vicious cycle where the only solution was to learn to slow down. 

Today, after months of conscious effort, I have slowed myself on the road - a little but not enough. I run longer and easier. 

But the same skill needs to be applied in everyday life as well. Sadly, life doesn't come with easy mile-markers and stop-watches. One has to learn to pace oneself, to know how much one can and must endure. 

Each day, as I slip on my running shoes and head out in the evenings, I try and remind myself to slow down and to enjoy the happiness for as long as I can - to not go chasing the end. Even as my feet hurtle down the familiar terrain, I will myself to slow down because there is a long road ahead. 

This is a reminder for the rest of my life too - to slow down and to not rush into things; because sometimes the journey is more important than the destination and there is a long, winding road ahead.