As I stand at the store-front, looking at the colorful flowers and their fresh, spring-green leaves - hope courses through me.
The graceful white lilies with their calming presence; the pretty pink tulips with their dainty elegance; the smiling sunflowers with their shockingly bright countenance; and tiny violets with their arresting presence - at some point they become me as I search frantically for clues from the universe.
In a world that is constantly threatening to split apart at the seams, they are a source of comfort, reassurance and hope. They are my hope for a better future. They hold in them the seed of hope and the prospect of a brilliant bloom in a not so distant future.
Every now and then, when I find myself in need of hope, these plants and flowers transform into symbols and portents for the future. They have always meant more than they should and possibly ever could....
But what can you say to the deluded human mind that is desperately scouring the world for hope?
Today is one such day as I walk from one end of the store to the other, trying to think scientifically while my heart is moved by the colors. I try to weigh the pros and the cons - the clay pot for aeration vs. the aluminum pot for protection; the depth of the soil; the ease of maintenance; the temperature; the sunlight; the water, shade and the other many needs of the plant.
I go through these many confounding factors over and over again because I desperately want this one to last.
I NEED this one to last. I actually need it to thrive because in my deluded, searching mind, this plant is me - trying to find its place under the sun. Trying to find a firm footing in an ever changing world. It is 'me' being subject to the changing climes. It is 'me' being bombarded by showers, being left to wilt in the sun. Its 'me' in the world and all I can do to comfort me, is to protect them.
And so, time and time again, I bring another new portent home and keep it by the windowsill. I water it - sometimes before it even needs. I bring it out into the warm sunlight out of the shadows of my apartment walls. I gaze at it longingly, hoping that this time, things would be different. I hope against all evidence that this time, this tiny new plant would manage to find its own space and that it would finally find its potential. I hope that this plant will learn to grow in the small, dark places and will learn to thrive despite the challenges.
I come back from work and search for the blooming bud or the tiny new leaf. I check on it everyday - waiting for that sign; but all I find are the drooping leaves and the withering flowers. I find the leaf tips being burnt by the sun and the flowers being blown by the wind. I hold on to the vestiges of my hope unrelentingly; but then one day, some animal decides to come and uproot my hope in its entirety.
I come home and search for the two of them - but all I find is the empty water stained spot that was left behind by them. They did not make it - yet again. Like me, they struggled to stay together as the elements rattled their very existence.
I come back from work and search for the blooming bud or the tiny new leaf. I check on it everyday - waiting for that sign; but all I find are the drooping leaves and the withering flowers. I find the leaf tips being burnt by the sun and the flowers being blown by the wind. I hold on to the vestiges of my hope unrelentingly; but then one day, some animal decides to come and uproot my hope in its entirety.
I come home and search for the two of them - but all I find is the empty water stained spot that was left behind by them. They did not make it - yet again. Like me, they struggled to stay together as the elements rattled their very existence.
Sometimes that is what life comes down to - searching for answers even when there clearly are none to be had. We end up looking for comfort in the strangest of places only to be disappointed... and only to hope again.
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