Life, it seems moves forward with one guiding principle - defying your expectations by presenting the unexpected.
Any time.
Every time.
Last few months have been such, where I have found things unexpectedly and lost them when least expected. One wouldn't complain if this brought on a sense of mirth, pleasure, happiness or even mild surprise. One does however, cringe, cower and explode with fury when this only pertains to bad news. One further teeters on collapse when the news affects your most favorite person in the world.
It is impossible to describe the heart break one feels when a twenty five year old is forced to bear the heavy burden of inheritance as he gets diagnosed with a chronic condition. A condition, that is merely an indication of a battle raging in him.
How does one fight their own blood? And how do you fight for your own blood?
What do you do when your own self turns against you - with a silent, seething fury? A fury that burns over years and decades as someone who looks perfectly healthy is actually being eaten from the inside.
What do you do when your most favorite person in the world can do nothing to turn the tide of this battle?
So, you tell them the facts without letting go of the hope. You make them aware of the harshest realities of life and tell them how to cope. You pack them their care package, write a bunch of notes, explain all that you can without a trace a fear - even though, your heart is freezing numb with fear. You pat on their back when the chips are down and pray to a God, who doesn't exist to "Make this all a bad dream!".
You do this - every time you need it - hoping that you are helping, not hurting. You hope that your words are soothing the searing wound - not burning it in.
You go through each day - wondering what could have been different and if you could be next? You become more stringent about the fruits and vegetables, about that glass of milk which you might otherwise avoid. You teach them the same. You used to run for fun but now fear pushes you more than the fun.
You build a new life - a better life - detangled from the web of your habits, based on nothing but hope and your scariest visions of the future.
You live each day dreading the worst and hoping for the best. You thank the universe for its small mercies. You thank your stars for it could have been a lot worse.
You forget the whys' and focus on the hows' because what is at stake is your most favorite person ever....
You stay by their side even when you are eight thousand miles away and hope that maybe - life will surprise you again - with a better unexpected...
Any time.
Every time.
Last few months have been such, where I have found things unexpectedly and lost them when least expected. One wouldn't complain if this brought on a sense of mirth, pleasure, happiness or even mild surprise. One does however, cringe, cower and explode with fury when this only pertains to bad news. One further teeters on collapse when the news affects your most favorite person in the world.
It is impossible to describe the heart break one feels when a twenty five year old is forced to bear the heavy burden of inheritance as he gets diagnosed with a chronic condition. A condition, that is merely an indication of a battle raging in him.
How does one fight their own blood? And how do you fight for your own blood?
What do you do when your own self turns against you - with a silent, seething fury? A fury that burns over years and decades as someone who looks perfectly healthy is actually being eaten from the inside.
What do you do when your most favorite person in the world can do nothing to turn the tide of this battle?
So, you tell them the facts without letting go of the hope. You make them aware of the harshest realities of life and tell them how to cope. You pack them their care package, write a bunch of notes, explain all that you can without a trace a fear - even though, your heart is freezing numb with fear. You pat on their back when the chips are down and pray to a God, who doesn't exist to "Make this all a bad dream!".
You do this - every time you need it - hoping that you are helping, not hurting. You hope that your words are soothing the searing wound - not burning it in.
You go through each day - wondering what could have been different and if you could be next? You become more stringent about the fruits and vegetables, about that glass of milk which you might otherwise avoid. You teach them the same. You used to run for fun but now fear pushes you more than the fun.
You build a new life - a better life - detangled from the web of your habits, based on nothing but hope and your scariest visions of the future.
You live each day dreading the worst and hoping for the best. You thank the universe for its small mercies. You thank your stars for it could have been a lot worse.
You forget the whys' and focus on the hows' because what is at stake is your most favorite person ever....
You stay by their side even when you are eight thousand miles away and hope that maybe - life will surprise you again - with a better unexpected...
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