Letting go...

For as long as I remember, I have been a fighter and I have always had a firm grip - on plans, hopes and dreams. When things would go awry, I would chip away at it, with an almost manic sense of doggedness. With a perseverance that borders on being a mistake (or probably is a mistake) and has often surprised me too.
I would grab on with all my might and not let go as if it were my last link to life and all that is good. I have spent years like this, in this frantic, death-grip of sorts - on things; on life.

But now, after years of gripping tight, somehow letting go has become a little easier. Instead of tensing up and pulling in with all my might, I am now able to walk away. I let go a little more easily - of dreams, plans, wishes and even life itself. I can now see myself - not fighting things; of just letting go and drifting off.

I wonder though, if I am made or unmade in the process of getting here...

Is this a result of fatigue from the deathly grip and sore knuckles or is it wisdom seeping in? Am I losing my stubbornness or just gaining perspective? Have I lost my resilience or am I just finding my courage in letting go? Is this driven by fear and pain or by a higher purpose? Am I finding a newer self or just letting go of my sense of self?

Hope springs... happiness blooms...

They say life doesn't go the way you planned. It doesn't. But the good thing about it is that sometimes it goes better than what you expected. Or at least that's what people and books said. I had believed in them for a long time but it never happened to me. Not much, at least. But today it did to someone so dear that I felt it happened to me - suddenly, simply, silently, happiness had walked through the door.

Today, I saw a happy ending or rather a happy beginning, after a lot of patience, frustration and anguish. My heart sang at the prospect of such happiness for someone so close.

I had somehow given up on happy endings. I thought they happened only in books and movies for young girls.

Real life is different, I had come to accept. It is colder, harsher, a little more brittle and a lot more confusing.
But today proved me wrong and I am a happier person for that.  Because today made me believe again - that in real life too, happiness can come simply, easily and effortlessly. It can spring into your life one fine day like the spring flowers that line the roads. It can bring beauty, happiness and a change for the better.

Like the spring blossoms, they may last for a few days but they mark a new beginning. They mark a step forward towards a bigger, brighter and happier future. And that is all I need to believe for a little longer - that good things do come to good people. That amidst all the chaos, randomness and luck, good things do come. May be not to everyone and may be not all the time,  but there is enough of a chance to make it worth playing the game.

Here's to the new beginning and a walk in the clouds - because some people are special!
L'chaim!