Notes to self...

Your story may not have such a happy beginning, but that doesn’t make you who you are, it is the rest of your story, who you choose to be…

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"Andrew! Hey! Hey, listen to me! Han Solo is not a loser. Han Solo... got encased in carbonite and that was a big mess-- but that's not what he's remembered for... He's remembered as the guy who made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs, and who braved the sub-zero temperatures of the ice planet Hoth in order to save someone he cared about from the big ugly wampa. He's remembered as the guy who swooped down at the last minute, blasted Darth Vader out of the sky, so that Luke could use the force and-- and destroy the damn Death Star! Okay? Princess Leia saved him from the carbonite, and they fell in love, and they saved the universe, and they had twin Jedi babies that went on to save the universe again. Right? Now that's the whole picture. The carbonite was just a piece."

--- A quote by Miranda Bailey in Grey's anatomy

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It helps to see the bigger picture every now and then. It helps to remember that in the bigger picture these smaller shortcomings and pitfalls may not even exist.
It helps to remember that you are more than a bad day, a bad year, a bad choice or a bad person. It helps to remember that you are who you choose to be. And that you can always change - yourself and your life !

Silence...

For the past few days, I have been yearning to listen to one sound. The sound of silence. It was easy to hear her in India. But here, there is so much happening all around that her gentle murmur is lost even as it lands on my ears. Here, everything seems to take on a life of its own - the buildings, the buses and the roads. They are all buzzing with life. A life of their own with vents, thermostats and air conditioners that are constantly humming to their own beat.

I sometimes yearn for the stillness that one could feel in the dead of the night when one could hear one's own heart beat. The stillness that would be momentarily pierced by the watchman's nightly call but would still seal itself automatically to generate a void. A void, where one could talk to no one but oneself. When the silence that enveloped you was so delicate and precious, that you treated it like a glass veil that shielded you from the outside. Here I rarely feel that stillness because there always something moving. One either hears the whispers and grunts of the buildings, emanating from the vents or one hears the distant rumble of the cars. There is never a moment's respite from this activity all around - never a break, never a lull. I yearn for that stillness. For that quiet. For that thin glass veil that would encase me like water in a womb.

And so I look forward to power cuts, to mechanical repairs. To breakdowns i would normally resent but which now help me find that elusive quiet for a few moments.

And then, I rush to the ocean. Cold and furious, enveloped by gray skies, the waters of the pacific seem to drown all other sounds in by their constant growls. And in their chaos, I find stillness. A stillness that I used to find with my late night and early morning strolls in the IISc campus. A stillness that calms me, instead of frightening me. A stillness that talks to me through me.

I long for silence ever so often but then she doesn't seem to talk much up here.

Walking out of "The Room"

Let me warn you at the outset that I am not planning to write about all the books I read. In fact, though I wish I could, I can't. Something in me prevents me from sharing my thoughts about my books so easily. It's silly and perhaps even baseless, but I haven't been able to critically read books and evaluate writing. Somehow, I read books, take what i like and leave the rest. It is something i wish i could change but it's not something I am able to do with ease. At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, I should also say that I love reading book reviews. In fact great blogs such as this are on my reading list helping me pick out new books I want to read.

But then once in a while, there are some books which compel me to talk.

"The room" is one such book. It is a book that has been on my radar for more than six months now and I have been reluctant to read it because of the disturbing plot line. And finally, when I picked up the "courage" (i say courage because i dont know what else to call it) and the book, I must confess that it was a great read but not a happy one. It was a beautiful read but somehow also equally disturbing. I am sure, everyone knows the plot line by now as this book has been widely talked about in all press circles but just to maintain my flow and to summarize the story for those who don't know of the book and don't mind a spoiler.

The book as the title says is about life in a room. "Life" - Of a twenty seven year old woman who has been locked up in a 11 feet by 11 feet room for the past seven years against her will. She has been locked up and is being repeatedly sexually assaulted by this nameless man. The result is a young boy, who also spends the first five years of his life trapped in this room without the realization of being trapped. The book displays the courage and love of a mother as she ignores her existence and fears in order to build a world as normal as she can for her little boy. It displays the strength of a woman and her creativity in teaching a young child all about the world without being a part of it in reality. It deals with the love that ties a mother to a child. But at some level, it is more than a story of courage. It also deals with us people and our lives.

The true power of the story lies in its narration from the perspective of a five year old boy, Jack. The language, the syntax, the semantics, the thoughts and the questions that guide the book and the story are that of a five year old child but the simplicity that this imbues does not make the story silly or mundane. In fact, it somehow strips the emotions to the barest of bones and that is when they hit you hard. As I was reading, it almost felt like the great prose in other books probably somehow cushioned the emotions and gift-wrapped them while in this case, they were sharp, pointed and hard hitting, poking your insides painfully.

The story progresses without any gross representations of the distress or the trauma associated with captivity but you can feel it. You can feel it in your insides as you listen to the thoughts of a five year old boy making sense of the world around him. On a more practical and upfront level, the book makes you think about how much learning we take for granted in this world; And how difficult it can be to integrate into the world when you've been out of it all. It also shows the plasticity of children and the logic that they can display in addressing their problems and issues. Even as the story progresses to less traumatic climes as Jack and his "ma" manage to escape captivity, it highlights the different problems that they both have to cope with the change. While the young boy Jack is suddenly thrown in a world so much bigger and confusing than his 11 ft x 11 ft world, he is forced to learn the ways of his new world. He is forced to unlearn a part of his first five years and learn new rules. Rule which we learn almost automatically by virtue of our sheer existence in this world. Rules of courtesy, rules of the road, rules of addressing, rules about dangers and fears. Rules about knowing when we are spoken to, rules of good and bad, rules about time and money. He is forced to learn about the past and the future, about multiple names, lives and identities. He sees a new world with more colors, smells, tastes and truths than he ever imagined. The book makes us realize how much we take for granted in such a simple but profound manner that it left me spell bound.

While the kid is struggling with his own world being thrown upside down, it also shows his views and understanding of his "ma's" life and its problems. One gets a sense of the emotional turmoil that can rage through a woman who has been trapped for the last seven years of her life enslaved to the commands of a stranger because her son's life is at stake. One also senses the desperation that stifled her in "The Room" and the joy she experiences upon her escape. Her joy is however numbed by the struggles of her son who feels uprooted and lost in this new, fast changing world and yearns to go back to his old room where his life was predictable, happy and under his control. One can feel her agony as she struggles to fit back into her old life although things are different from what they last were. One can feel her pain as she is constantly under the media glare as the "wonder mom" who was brutally abused. One can empathize with her struggles to leave her thoughts of the room behind even as her five year old son can't let go of his life as it was.

What I loved most about the book was the end. It was cathartic in someways to see the mother walk back into the room for one last time on her son's behest. As Jack and his "ma" walk hand in hand to the old "room" they both find closure there. Jack realizes what he was missing all these years when he sees his 11 x 11 room as a tiny speck of this new huge world and he now is happy to be back to the "real world" after bidding farewell to his past in the room.

The book at some metaphorical level is also a message. A message that says that in some ways we are all trapped within our own demons, our tiny little rooms of comfort. Sometimes we know what we are missing and at other times we are in the dark, unaware of the walls bounding us, unaware of the world beyond those walls. We are all victims of our fears, our past and our experiences - which are holding us captive in our comfort zones, unable to truly live our lives. What we need to do is escape from these tight walls and breathe free. We need to walk out of our little "rooms", into the sunshine and live life all over again. It may be challenging to start with and we may miss our little wardrobes, like little Jack and we might be wishing everyday for a return to those comfortable niches that were only ours.... But then seeing the world for what it is makes you realize that you were missing out on a lot indeed! And while familiarity of the known is a comfort, there is a certain joy in freedom and adventure. There is a lot to be learnt and a lot to be done and the key is to never lock ourselves up in our little rooms, out of fear and for want of comfort. It takes courage to walk out but it is worth it - always !

Parsing the phrase code - Part II

Sometime back, I had written a post about some typically Indian phrases or Indianisms (as they are called) which I encountered during my interactions in the States. Strange as it may sound, I never realized the existence of such Indianisms while in India. Although I did encounter them occasionally, none of these "Indianisms" were rampantly used (but for a couple), at least by my acquaintances. But then, once i realized their existence, confirmational bias kicked in and I was paying attention to other such "phrases" that are cultural in origin. It is perhaps through such confirmational bias that i chanced upon this article on CNNgo.com.

Written by Daniel DMello, this article lists out some of the commonly used Indianisms. Although, I wasn't ecstatic with the language and quality of the article, it was interestingly written and it did bring a few laughs prompting me to share it here.
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10 classic Indianisms: 'Doing the needful' and more indianisms

"Do one thing...take this piece of chalk..."

We are a unique species, aren’t we? Not humans. Indians, I mean. No other race speaks or spells like we do.

Take greetings for example.

A friendly clerk asking me for my name is apt to start a conversation with, “What is your good name?” As if I hold that sort of information close to my heart and only divulge my evil pseudonym. Bizarre.

I call these Indianisms.

Which got me thinking about a compilation, a greatest hits of the 10 most hilarious Indianisms out there. And here they are. The most common ones, and my favorites among them.

1. 'Passing out'

When you complete your studies at an educational institution, you graduate from that institution.You do not "pass out" from that institution.

To "pass out" refers to losing consciousness, like after you get too drunk, though I’m not sure how we managed to connect graduating and intoxication.

Oh wait … of course, poor grades throughout the year could lead to a sudden elation on hearing you’ve passed all of your exams, which could lead to you actually "passing out," but this is rare at best.

2. 'Kindly revert'

One common mistake we make is using the word revert to mean reply or respond.

Revert means "to return to a former state."

I can’t help thinking of a sarcastic answer every time this comes up.

“Please revert at the earliest.”

“Sure, I’ll set my biological clock to regress evolutionarily to my original primitive hydrocarbon state at 1 p.m. today."

3. 'Years back'

If it happened in the past, it happened years ago, not "years back."

Given how common this phrase is, I’m guessing the first person who switched "ago" for "back" probably did it years back. See what I mean?

And speaking of "back," asking someone to use the backside entrance sounds so wrong.

“So when did you buy this car?”

“Oh, years back.”

“Cool, can you open the backside? I’d like to get a load in.”

4. 'Doing the needful'

Try to avoid using the phrase "do the needful." It went out of style decades ago, about the time the British left.

Using it today indicates you are a dinosaur, a dinosaur with bad grammar.

You may use the phrase humorously, to poke fun at such archaic speech, or other dinosaurs.

“Will you do the needful?”

“Of course, and I’ll send you a telegram to let you know it's done too.”

5. 'Discuss about'

“What shall we discuss about today?”

“Let’s discuss about politics. We need a fault-ridden topic to mirror our bad grammar.”

You don't "discuss about" something; you just discuss things.

The word "discuss" means to "talk about". There is no reason to insert the word "about" after "discuss."

That would be like saying "talk about about." Which "brings about" me to my next peeve.

6. 'Order for'

"Hey, let’s order for a pizza."

"Sure, and why not raid a library while we’re about it.”

When you order something, you "order" it, you do not "order for" it.

Who knows when or why we began placing random prepositions after verbs?

Perhaps somewhere in our history someone lost a little faith in the "doing" word and added "for" to make sure their order would reach them. They must have been pretty hungry.

7. 'Do one thing'

When someone approaches you with a query, and your reply begins with the phrase "do one thing," you're doing it wrong.

"Do one thing" is a phrase that does not make sense.

It is an Indianism. It is only understood in India. It is not proper English. It is irritating.

There are better ways to begin a reply. And worst of all, any person who starts a sentence with "do one thing" invariably ends up giving you at least five things to do.

“My computer keeps getting hung.”

“Do one thing. Clear your history. Delete your cookies. Defrag your hardrive. Run a virus check. Restart your computer... .”

8. 'Out of station'

“Sorry I can’t talk right now, I’m out of station.”

“What a coincidence, Vijay, I’m in a station right now.”

Another blast from the past, this one, and also, extremely outdated.

What's wrong with "out of town" or "not in Mumbai" or my favorite "I'm not here"?

9. The big sleep

"I’m going to bed now, sleep is coming."

"OK, say hi to it for me."

While a fan of anthropomorphism, I do have my limits. "Sleep is coming" is taking things a bit too far.

Your life isn’t a poem. You don’t have to give body cycles their own personalities.

10. 'Prepone'

“Let’s prepone the meeting from 11 a.m. to 10 a.m.”

Because the opposite of postpone just has to be prepone, right?

"Prepone" is probably the most famous Indianism of all time; one that I’m proud of, and that I actually support as a new entry to all English dictionaries.

Because it makes sense. Because it fills a gap. Because we need it. We’re Indians, damn it. Students of chaos theory.

We don’t have the time to say silly things like "could you please bring the meeting forward."

Prepone it is.

There are many more pure grammatical "gems" in what we call Indian English. Perhaps in time I’ll list some more. And perhaps in the near future, we’ll get better at English.

Till then, kindly adjust.

http://www.cnngo.com/mumbai/life/10-indianisms-652344

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As I went through the list, I couldn't recall hearing some of them in India. However some like out of station, pre-pone, do the needful and revert back were relatively common.

Now, this might sound a little lowbrow and non-scholarly but I certainly don't see much reason for the writer to say that Indians can hope to get better at English. Let me clarify my stand here. Language is a mode of communication and like all other things evolves and changes with time, under the influence of a multitude of factors. There is probably no absolute right when it comes to certain aspects of a language. If the Oxford english dictionary deems it fit to include new words from across cultures, then, why should Indians strive for imitating the British or the American style of English? Now, I don't mean that we abandon the rules of grammar and spelling and write to suit our whims and fancies but I honestly don't see a reason for us to not have any "Indianisms". All cultures have their own words and ways of expressing. There is diversity in usage of similes, slang, phrases and proverbs. The British have it. The Americans have it as do the Singaporeans. And there is no reason to think that one version or another of the language is more appropriate. After all, the language itself has evolved from Shakespeare to Shakira...

Now, I see that the slope I am treading on is slippery but I just wanted to voice an alternative opinion. I am not condoning bad grammar or bad spelling but i certainly don't see any reason to be ashamed of these Indianisms as some of them are genuinely practical and useful (like the word "Pre-pone"). While I had my reservations about the article, I was happy to see the author mention the existence of more such "gems" in Indian English. I certainly am looking forward to seeing some of these new gems in Mr Daniel's future articles.