My Cinderella tales....

It is a holiday today but my mind is far from feeling the freedom. As I sit by the window and wait for the breeze to calm my nerves, my mind is confused, unforgiving and lost. My hand is tied in a cast but the pain seems to be elsewhere as I think of all that you said and try to make my choices. 

What am I looking for in life? What kind of a person will make me happy? Do I know what I want or am I just rejecting everything that comes along because it doesn't fit my imagination? Do I know my mind or my heart? Do I want to spend the rest of my life alone?

Your questions don't cease and my answers don't seem to be coming. 

What am I looking for or rather who am I looking for... ?

These words have been haunting me for long but the noises are louder now than ever. 

I wonder. I question. I put phrases together but they sound meaningless - similar but different, support, courage, comfort, protection, understanding, compatibility.... 

I know I need a metaphor - something that will reflect my thoughts better than what my words are doing right now. Something that will show you what I think and what i mean. Something that will make you see where I am coming from. 

I search the corners of my mind for the one answer that will make sense of all that i think, for you.

And I say in my head - shoes !

I see you smirk. I see you laugh in the windows of my mind. "Shoes!? My foot!" 

But that is what/who I want....

Someone who is similar to me but still not identical. Just like the two shoes in a pair. They are so very similar but still a little different. Life for either, is incomplete without the other because they complete each other. They walk together all their life, matching steps, leading and guiding the other, every step along the way. We can look for a size but ultimately nothing predicts the fit. You have to be comfortable with the other. Not every size or design will fit everyone. Sometimes, you see it and you know - "this is it!" and sometimes, you go back and forth, a hundred times - before the final splurge. On the long road of life, only the good pairs will travel through, with their souls and their minds intact. The rest will be blighted by corns and calluses that will leave them bruised and unhappy for life. The shoes that don't match are not good or bad - just not right for each other. 

But like Cinderella, a shoe is sometimes the key to the search. And because the journey ahead is so long, one might as well wait for the right fit to come along.

I hope you see what I am saying. I hope you understand. I see a light flicker in your eyes for a brief instant before the harsh realities of life snuff it out.

I hope it will reappear even as I question my wisdom. 

For now, I choose to wait for the right fit - because one must try and be absolutely sure of what one is walking into - Always, always! 

The rest as they is life as it comes....