Hands we are dealt...

As a child growing up, I was never much of a card player. There were perhaps a couple of odd years in between when I used them as minor distractions with my brother playing games as unremarkable as, "who got the bigger card?." Yes, that mundane. 

In fact, I was one of the few kids who was more fascinated by the designs on the back of the card than the numbers, hearts, diamonds and clubs on the front. 

Increasingly, though, I can sense regret and remorse at not having spent enough time playing serious games with them. 

After all, all of life now feels like a game of cards. 

Sometimes even a house of cards. Delicately balanced, carefully executed, teetering on the brink of possibilities - ready to sway with every opportunity to either find a new balance or to come crashing down only to begin afresh. 

People seem to be bluffing with that bonafide poker face as I seem to unravel trying to read between their lines. 

I am not so deft with chance or luck and have grown up with the idea of working hard and biding my time. 

I did not learn through these childhood games, the art of playing with the cards you are dealt. I entered the world a little ill prepared I feel. 

Because, in reality that's what we are all trying to do - make the best of a given hand to try and get that elusive win. To deal with unknowns and to doubt the knowns. To read faces and to read between lines. To be prepared to win big or lose big. To be prepared to just accept and move on. 

Instead growing up in a world of books, words and colors, I became a dreamer, an idealist and a reformer. In wanting to make a difference, in trying to change the world and doing the right thing, in waiting for the right opportunity, in being transparent and straightforward - I learnt to hope and dream - against all odds, if I might add.  

But life is not like that. There is pressure and sometimes the stakes are high. People lie, deceive and cheat - all with that unmoving poker face. The cards are dealt at random and you can't always walk away from the table. You can wait for a while but how long will you stay out of the game. At some point, you have to start playing the cards you are dealt to make the best you can. 

Ever so often, this question haunts me nowadays. How long will I wait patiently and stay safe? Is it better to stay in the game and lose big or is it better to wait for your time? 

In life too, there may be a perfect set of cards but its not going to come your way ever so easily. One has to get in, get dirty and play the game or choose to sit out and stare at life passing by.

I wish I had played more - just to be able to gamble a bit. Just to be able to get rid of that fear of uncertainty. To be able to accept the hand dealt to me and not wait any longer. To be able to read people, their words and their eyes.

I wish I had played more if only to not tremble with fear and trepidation with every sway of the house of cards.