This is an era of expression. People are encouraged to express everything they feel no matter how transient or how permanent the thought or emotion maybe...
I however find myself a bit lost in this world simply because I am not a believer in words and words alone. To me actions always speak louder than words and so it is difficult to elicit words out of me... People keep telling me the value of expression ever so often. The constant refrain of friends is that I don't express myself enough... and that all the many things I think or feel are often lost in the unsaid.
I have come to accept the charge without protest simply because no matter how hard i try, I am not able to fit all my feelings and thoughts satisfactorily into words... actions always seem to do the job better. Some people learn to understand that actions speak louder than words and get used to the wordlessness from me, but some forever fail to grasp me or my mind...
People say, how hard can it be to say - "I care" or "I love you" or "I am sorry" and I feel like telling, that it is very hard... !!! It is easier to just implement what you feel... to do something for the special few, to let them peer into your mind and be privy to your thoughts and emotions, to let them see the real you with all your weaknesses and to be able to do anything for them, to listen to them because they are the most important people and to not hurt them.
How do words convey all this better ?
To a lot of people, words are just a means of communication. They are evanescent carriers of thought.
But, I am scared of the power of words. In relationships, our emotions are wrapped around our words and they have the power to mould our lives... Their power must be used with great care... and with this power comes great fear. Fear of being wrong, fear of saying too much, too soon or too little, too late... fear of not saying the right words or of saying the right words at the wrong time, fear of saying things which you do not mean... these fears thus paralyze me and I choose the easier, wordless way.
I'd much rather be around and DO the right things than just say the right things... but this is very difficult for most to accept.
And as I type these words, I understand the need for words... We all like to be told that we are liked, loved and cared for. Even though it is implicit in some actions, we'd much rather be told the obvious than be left with the fear that we are guessing wrong. Such wordless understanding only results from complete confidence in the relationship and a deep understanding, both of which do not come easy.
But today, as i write these words, I hope to say to the people that I care about, that I really do care for them. And also that my wordlessness is a part of me that I aspire for in every relationship. It suggests complete acceptance and implicit understanding. It places faith in relationships more than in words.
However, on this platform... I have taken my first baby steps at expression. I try to shed my fears and inhibitions to embrace words and I have made my first attempts at leaving my mind open to scrutiny. It still doesn't open my mind for the world to see, but, those who matter, manage to view the world inside through the tiny cracks that exist...
And as I choose my words here, I hope to make a beginning...
A beginning to be able to use words more often to say to the people I care about that "I really do care"....
And If I have stayed quiet and never said this before, its not because I don't care but simply because I find words insufficient at times.
I however find myself a bit lost in this world simply because I am not a believer in words and words alone. To me actions always speak louder than words and so it is difficult to elicit words out of me... People keep telling me the value of expression ever so often. The constant refrain of friends is that I don't express myself enough... and that all the many things I think or feel are often lost in the unsaid.
I have come to accept the charge without protest simply because no matter how hard i try, I am not able to fit all my feelings and thoughts satisfactorily into words... actions always seem to do the job better. Some people learn to understand that actions speak louder than words and get used to the wordlessness from me, but some forever fail to grasp me or my mind...
People say, how hard can it be to say - "I care" or "I love you" or "I am sorry" and I feel like telling, that it is very hard... !!! It is easier to just implement what you feel... to do something for the special few, to let them peer into your mind and be privy to your thoughts and emotions, to let them see the real you with all your weaknesses and to be able to do anything for them, to listen to them because they are the most important people and to not hurt them.
How do words convey all this better ?
To a lot of people, words are just a means of communication. They are evanescent carriers of thought.
But, I am scared of the power of words. In relationships, our emotions are wrapped around our words and they have the power to mould our lives... Their power must be used with great care... and with this power comes great fear. Fear of being wrong, fear of saying too much, too soon or too little, too late... fear of not saying the right words or of saying the right words at the wrong time, fear of saying things which you do not mean... these fears thus paralyze me and I choose the easier, wordless way.
I'd much rather be around and DO the right things than just say the right things... but this is very difficult for most to accept.
And as I type these words, I understand the need for words... We all like to be told that we are liked, loved and cared for. Even though it is implicit in some actions, we'd much rather be told the obvious than be left with the fear that we are guessing wrong. Such wordless understanding only results from complete confidence in the relationship and a deep understanding, both of which do not come easy.
But today, as i write these words, I hope to say to the people that I care about, that I really do care for them. And also that my wordlessness is a part of me that I aspire for in every relationship. It suggests complete acceptance and implicit understanding. It places faith in relationships more than in words.
However, on this platform... I have taken my first baby steps at expression. I try to shed my fears and inhibitions to embrace words and I have made my first attempts at leaving my mind open to scrutiny. It still doesn't open my mind for the world to see, but, those who matter, manage to view the world inside through the tiny cracks that exist...
And as I choose my words here, I hope to make a beginning...
A beginning to be able to use words more often to say to the people I care about that "I really do care"....
And If I have stayed quiet and never said this before, its not because I don't care but simply because I find words insufficient at times.
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