"Self absorbed" "Self- centered" "ego-centric" "selfish" "Narcissistic"
All these words paint only one abominable picture in our mind.
Don't they ? One of a self-loving individual who is inconsiderate to anyone else but himself.
But every time I come across these words, I am forced to pause and think. Not because they are evil qualities that we should get rid of but because they are who we all really are and there is no escaping it. And in all honesty, I see nothing wrong in being self-absorbed because you are the only thing that you can control in a world that is constantly rushing ahead.
Think about it.
By conventional definitions I think I am self absorbed and maybe even self-centered. I am involved with how I can learn about myself and improve myself. I am pre-occupied with doing what i think is right and with working on my life. I have my dreams and visions and I work towards them. I am affected by my thoughts and feeling and sometimes that's all that matters to me. And I fail to see why this would ever be the bane of a society. Because after all, that is what we can do and what we best understand. Our "self". And....if every one did this without harming another individual there really would not be a lot of our problems.
We, as men and women of independent will, can only mold our life through our choices. We can truly appreciate only our experiences and our lessons from them. We, as people, are limited in the dimensions of our perspectives. We can truly value an experience only after we've been through it ourselves or at least something closer to it. No amount of rambling, preaching or explaining can actually help us agree to something unless we "feel" it. We are unable to truly appreciate another point of view till we actually reach that place in "our" life. Years of evolution have built self preservation as a veritable part of our 'self'. All our actions are directed towards the self - even those which (happen to) help others. We do all things because they benefit us in one form or the other - either in the form of material gain or in the form of psychological gain. We donate because it makes us feel good. We help others because it gives us a sense of purpose. All our acts, no matter how righteous they are, have a large component directed towards the self. Take for example the basic life-force of our existence - children. Having kids is one of the most selfless acts as far as social perceptions go because you are bringing into this world another being who is completely helpless for the first few years. People say that parents venture into this big investment of time, money and energy with no gains, but the truth as I see it is that we have kids because we want to. We want to bring in someone into this world through whom we can leave a mark on this world. Through whom we can live our life all over again. Who is a key to helping us make a difference. And all this emotional baggage is the result of our biological instincts which have been shaped as such through millions years of evolution where he who did not reproduce, perished. Tomorrow, if I have any kids, it will be because i want them and not because I am doing it out of a sense of benevolence to the unborn child ! And this is the difference that we all need to accept and appreciate.
Why do we shy away from acknowledging this interest in the self...? Why is it perceived to be morally wrong to be self-absorbed ? I can only be legitimately involved in myself because that is the only perspective i see and can truly appreciate... and that is the only variable I can change through my efforts or my attitude. Why is the entire society built of the framework of nullifying and annihilating the sense of self, even though it is the most difficult thing to do and is completely contrary to our natures.
I should however clarify here that i do not mean to propound utter disregard for another human being or complete lack of empathy. In fact, i think, being self-limited has helped me become more empathetic. I am sure this sounds like an oxymoronic statement but the truth is, every time I encounter an opinion or a person, i put myself in the other pair of shoes and that "self-absorbed /self-centered" behavior makes me become truly tolerant and empathetic to another person because i then treat them like i would treat myself.
I hear criticism about people saying they are self-absorbed, and many a time, I have felt like screaming out aloud - "There is nothing wrong with that !!". There is nothing wrong in writing, talking or thinking about your life as long as you dont hurt another individual in your greed for space, time and attention. There is nothing wrong in drawing from your experiences and talking from your perspectives because that's all you can be honest about and that's all you know best.
I wish the world would appreciate the power of the "self" in places more than the "self-help" books which seem to be overflowing in bookstores. I hope that we are able to accept our selfish streak and to use it in the right way because to my mind, nullifying our sense of self is certainly not the way forward.
All these words paint only one abominable picture in our mind.
Don't they ? One of a self-loving individual who is inconsiderate to anyone else but himself.
But every time I come across these words, I am forced to pause and think. Not because they are evil qualities that we should get rid of but because they are who we all really are and there is no escaping it. And in all honesty, I see nothing wrong in being self-absorbed because you are the only thing that you can control in a world that is constantly rushing ahead.
Think about it.
By conventional definitions I think I am self absorbed and maybe even self-centered. I am involved with how I can learn about myself and improve myself. I am pre-occupied with doing what i think is right and with working on my life. I have my dreams and visions and I work towards them. I am affected by my thoughts and feeling and sometimes that's all that matters to me. And I fail to see why this would ever be the bane of a society. Because after all, that is what we can do and what we best understand. Our "self". And....if every one did this without harming another individual there really would not be a lot of our problems.
We, as men and women of independent will, can only mold our life through our choices. We can truly appreciate only our experiences and our lessons from them. We, as people, are limited in the dimensions of our perspectives. We can truly value an experience only after we've been through it ourselves or at least something closer to it. No amount of rambling, preaching or explaining can actually help us agree to something unless we "feel" it. We are unable to truly appreciate another point of view till we actually reach that place in "our" life. Years of evolution have built self preservation as a veritable part of our 'self'. All our actions are directed towards the self - even those which (happen to) help others. We do all things because they benefit us in one form or the other - either in the form of material gain or in the form of psychological gain. We donate because it makes us feel good. We help others because it gives us a sense of purpose. All our acts, no matter how righteous they are, have a large component directed towards the self. Take for example the basic life-force of our existence - children. Having kids is one of the most selfless acts as far as social perceptions go because you are bringing into this world another being who is completely helpless for the first few years. People say that parents venture into this big investment of time, money and energy with no gains, but the truth as I see it is that we have kids because we want to. We want to bring in someone into this world through whom we can leave a mark on this world. Through whom we can live our life all over again. Who is a key to helping us make a difference. And all this emotional baggage is the result of our biological instincts which have been shaped as such through millions years of evolution where he who did not reproduce, perished. Tomorrow, if I have any kids, it will be because i want them and not because I am doing it out of a sense of benevolence to the unborn child ! And this is the difference that we all need to accept and appreciate.
Why do we shy away from acknowledging this interest in the self...? Why is it perceived to be morally wrong to be self-absorbed ? I can only be legitimately involved in myself because that is the only perspective i see and can truly appreciate... and that is the only variable I can change through my efforts or my attitude. Why is the entire society built of the framework of nullifying and annihilating the sense of self, even though it is the most difficult thing to do and is completely contrary to our natures.
I should however clarify here that i do not mean to propound utter disregard for another human being or complete lack of empathy. In fact, i think, being self-limited has helped me become more empathetic. I am sure this sounds like an oxymoronic statement but the truth is, every time I encounter an opinion or a person, i put myself in the other pair of shoes and that "self-absorbed /self-centered" behavior makes me become truly tolerant and empathetic to another person because i then treat them like i would treat myself.
I hear criticism about people saying they are self-absorbed, and many a time, I have felt like screaming out aloud - "There is nothing wrong with that !!". There is nothing wrong in writing, talking or thinking about your life as long as you dont hurt another individual in your greed for space, time and attention. There is nothing wrong in drawing from your experiences and talking from your perspectives because that's all you can be honest about and that's all you know best.
I wish the world would appreciate the power of the "self" in places more than the "self-help" books which seem to be overflowing in bookstores. I hope that we are able to accept our selfish streak and to use it in the right way because to my mind, nullifying our sense of self is certainly not the way forward.
1 comment:
Cool thought about the morality of self importance and the importance of an individual's perspectives.
In software design, it is considered a good practice to based design on user's perspectives and interactions with the system, in order to correctly produce what you want (software). But,,,software design is a business. On the other hand, all business is connected to social and moral life of users, whether directly or indirectly..
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