Saturday, July 17, 2010
Comfort in the mundane...
I often think that I love change and the adventures that come with it... But then, when change comes knocking along, I miss the comfort of the known, the tried and the tested.
I long for familiarity. Of people and places that tell me that all is as it should be and that nothing is going wrong. I guess we all love change in those tiny bits and pieces which don't really alter our lives much, but which come along slowly and silently and only whisk away the stagnation.
In my battle with the daily mundane, i realize that somethings are my landmarks for the usual - The morning newspaper, the chat with watchman uncle, the morning cuppa, the lunch with friends, the bed on the floor and the books around !! They tell me in some unknown way that all is well and that the world is as it was.... They are comforting and assuring in a strangely disconcerting way... because despite being the mundane, they mean a lot.
They are a source of constant assurance in a world that threatens to change ever so often. But then it is only a matter of time, that change floods through and does not just trickle in...
And then, it will be time for new landmarks and new assurances...
You will be carried away by the tides of time and then drift a little before you find new ground and settle down, all over again !!
To a new routine and a new mundane....
Tiny changes will trickle in
As the mundane comforts you....
In my battle with the daily mundane, i realize that somethings are my landmarks for the usual - The morning newspaper, the chat with watchman uncle, the morning cuppa, the lunch with friends, the bed on the floor and the books around !! They tell me in some unknown way that all is well and that the world is as it was.... They are comforting and assuring in a strangely disconcerting way... because despite being the mundane, they mean a lot.
They are a source of constant assurance in a world that threatens to change ever so often. But then it is only a matter of time, that change floods through and does not just trickle in...
And then, it will be time for new landmarks and new assurances...
You will be carried away by the tides of time and then drift a little before you find new ground and settle down, all over again !!
To a new routine and a new mundane....
Tiny changes will trickle in
As the mundane comforts you....
A world upside down...
Imagine a world
where education is a liability
where appearances are more important than the facts
where opinions bind you and ignorance is liberating
where what you say is more important than what you do
and what you think is less important than what you say
where independence is a burden
where honesty is dreaded
where everyone is right and then NO one is
where, what you don't think is more important than what you think
where everyone is more important than your self
where your name tells more about your abilities than anything else
where truth is kept under wraps and appearances propagated
where the end is more important than the means
where beauty is more important than the brains
where rationality fails and faith rules
where objectivity gives way to superstition
where intellect is dead weight and idiocy is cherished
where attitude is more important than aptitude
where the able carry the burdens for the inept
where the past is more important than the present or the future
where everyone understands but pretends not to
where mindless acceptance is cherished more than thoughtful disagreement
where promises are made to be broken
where words are hollow and deeds are empty
This is not a remote world from the Gulliver's travels...
This is a world we live in, a world we are breathing in and out...
A world, I am constantly fighting to avoid getting drawn into the whirlpool...
where education is a liability
where appearances are more important than the facts
where opinions bind you and ignorance is liberating
where what you say is more important than what you do
and what you think is less important than what you say
where independence is a burden
where honesty is dreaded
where everyone is right and then NO one is
where, what you don't think is more important than what you think
where everyone is more important than your self
where your name tells more about your abilities than anything else
where truth is kept under wraps and appearances propagated
where the end is more important than the means
where beauty is more important than the brains
where rationality fails and faith rules
where objectivity gives way to superstition
where intellect is dead weight and idiocy is cherished
where attitude is more important than aptitude
where the able carry the burdens for the inept
where the past is more important than the present or the future
where everyone understands but pretends not to
where mindless acceptance is cherished more than thoughtful disagreement
where promises are made to be broken
where words are hollow and deeds are empty
This is not a remote world from the Gulliver's travels...
This is a world we live in, a world we are breathing in and out...
A world, I am constantly fighting to avoid getting drawn into the whirlpool...
Friday, July 16, 2010
Mystic mayflower...
Once a year you pull your head out to see the world
once a year you bloom in joyous abandon
once a year you light up the grasslands
once a year you spread like the wildfire.
You live a full life for those days,
only to mysteriously disappear soon after.
O mystic "mayflower", how do you ?
For the last five years in IISc, I have found one thing to happen with regular periodicity... the blooming of this flower.... I call it mayflower but thats just because of when it blooms... in May !!
Five years ago, I saw this solitary red flower peeping through the grassy mat, a big ball of red, having its first day in this beautiful world. It was first time i had seen something like that i was wonder-struck gaping at it like a little child. And then in the next two days the flowers seemed to have had enough of the world and disappeared; much to my sorrow ! :(
But then next year and the year after, the same flowers came back up at that same time of the year. Only this time, there was not just one flower, there were a whole bunch of them. They came for two days every year and made the world a much better place (some how their presence made a difference to me). I began to wait for those two days in the year when there would be so much red in the green !!
Those flowers were like the brief moments of joy that you encounter. They last for a moment but they light up the mind space while they are around. You negotiate the periods of great lull in anticipation of those moments and then it all seems worth it... The only thing is, happiness is not all that predictable as mayflowers and sometimes they last longer than two days... and thank god for that :) !!!
And like the mayflowers, happiness too can spread and multiply... one smile can light up many faces and thats how happiness stays in the world ...
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Growing up pangs...
Not all things make sense to you when they first happen. They hit you but their significance is perhaps lost on you till something dawns on you and makes sense of it all.
Today, something happened that made some sense to me in more ways than one.
I met a stranger today and had an interesting conversation about India with her.
She is a German, who lived in Boston for a long time and then has moved to India. She sat there talking about her experiences in India (after we had finished a technical discussion). She had a harrowing time in India - running for papers, stamps and certificates, from pillar to post trying to build her life from the scratch. She had met people from all walks of life in her two years in India. She has had her share of problems and bad experiences but still when she spoke of India, I could see a warmth spreading over her face, a certain joy became visible, her face lit up and there was happiness there !!
All this, when I was cursing the Indian bureaucracy, the mentality of the people and the problems we all face all the time. She made me wonder what it is that she liked so much about this country of mine and I only needed to refer to my stay outside to realize the things that made India what it is.
To my mind, India is a little child in the world. She is growing. She has her tantrums, tempers and her problems but then once in while she does something so adorable that it makes it all worth it.
I mean where else in the world can you find people asking you if you were married or if you had kids or what your salary is within the first 5 minutes of your meeting them. It seems intrusive and crude but then these are the very people who inquire of your well being, offer you an umbrella in the rain or give you a kind smile on a bad day. The paperwork gets to you, so does the bureaucracy and the lackadaisical attitude of the people. The tendency to please people, the bribing, the lack of punctuality, the "chalta-hai" attitude.... these are all things I have cribbed about so many times. But then there are also these wonderful things that make you feel at home. The neighbor's stories, the incessant questions, the friendly smiles, the polite replies, the curious aunties, the naughty kids, the overflowing garbage cans, the sights and smells, the roaming cattle, the people on the streets, the colors and the ordinariness - there is something about it all that stays with you.
Far from the clean, cold, silent, dust free corridors of the western world, the activity and the people here stay with you. There is a sense of unpredictability which makes life irritating at times and exciting at others... rushing for the train, getting stuck at a traffic jam, getting caught by the police only to be let off with an apology... something that makes life in India closer to living on the edge. Instead of a world where you wont know your neighbor for the last few months, here we have people coming knocking on your doorstep with food and supplies to help you settle in (the innumerable questions also follow you but still...) !
India is like a little child! Innocent and adorable at times and irritatingly adamant at others. The people make up its soul. But she is growing up fast. Cities are nothing but brick, concrete and glass put together. The sense of community is getting worn away. Its mystic tales and old stories that have held the past woven into the present. But the this richly hued fabric is seemingly coming apart at the seams as the past is being replaced by glimpses of the future. I fear that the child will grow up soon and the innocence which makes it so special will soon be lost forever. After all, while the big guys are appreciated for their wealth, sophistication, calmness and elegance, they are also cold and it is still the charm of a eight year old that stays with you.
I hope as she enters into teens, India doesn't lose that warmth and innocence which makes her so special... I hope India remains in spirit what she always has been...
Today, something happened that made some sense to me in more ways than one.
I met a stranger today and had an interesting conversation about India with her.
She is a German, who lived in Boston for a long time and then has moved to India. She sat there talking about her experiences in India (after we had finished a technical discussion). She had a harrowing time in India - running for papers, stamps and certificates, from pillar to post trying to build her life from the scratch. She had met people from all walks of life in her two years in India. She has had her share of problems and bad experiences but still when she spoke of India, I could see a warmth spreading over her face, a certain joy became visible, her face lit up and there was happiness there !!
All this, when I was cursing the Indian bureaucracy, the mentality of the people and the problems we all face all the time. She made me wonder what it is that she liked so much about this country of mine and I only needed to refer to my stay outside to realize the things that made India what it is.
To my mind, India is a little child in the world. She is growing. She has her tantrums, tempers and her problems but then once in while she does something so adorable that it makes it all worth it.
I mean where else in the world can you find people asking you if you were married or if you had kids or what your salary is within the first 5 minutes of your meeting them. It seems intrusive and crude but then these are the very people who inquire of your well being, offer you an umbrella in the rain or give you a kind smile on a bad day. The paperwork gets to you, so does the bureaucracy and the lackadaisical attitude of the people. The tendency to please people, the bribing, the lack of punctuality, the "chalta-hai" attitude.... these are all things I have cribbed about so many times. But then there are also these wonderful things that make you feel at home. The neighbor's stories, the incessant questions, the friendly smiles, the polite replies, the curious aunties, the naughty kids, the overflowing garbage cans, the sights and smells, the roaming cattle, the people on the streets, the colors and the ordinariness - there is something about it all that stays with you.
Far from the clean, cold, silent, dust free corridors of the western world, the activity and the people here stay with you. There is a sense of unpredictability which makes life irritating at times and exciting at others... rushing for the train, getting stuck at a traffic jam, getting caught by the police only to be let off with an apology... something that makes life in India closer to living on the edge. Instead of a world where you wont know your neighbor for the last few months, here we have people coming knocking on your doorstep with food and supplies to help you settle in (the innumerable questions also follow you but still...) !
India is like a little child! Innocent and adorable at times and irritatingly adamant at others. The people make up its soul. But she is growing up fast. Cities are nothing but brick, concrete and glass put together. The sense of community is getting worn away. Its mystic tales and old stories that have held the past woven into the present. But the this richly hued fabric is seemingly coming apart at the seams as the past is being replaced by glimpses of the future. I fear that the child will grow up soon and the innocence which makes it so special will soon be lost forever. After all, while the big guys are appreciated for their wealth, sophistication, calmness and elegance, they are also cold and it is still the charm of a eight year old that stays with you.
I hope as she enters into teens, India doesn't lose that warmth and innocence which makes her so special... I hope India remains in spirit what she always has been...
A 100 tiny pieces.... !!!!
Numbers are "just" numbers. They probably are meaningless but for our human tendencies to quantify everything.
But, some numbers are just special. They make life meaningful. Milestones become apparent and they are worth cherishing. They make life special.
The first birthday.
The first step.
The first day at school.
The first book you read.
The first "best friend".
The first date.
The first day at college.
The first day at work.
The first anniversary.
The silver, golden and platinum jubilees.
Number they all are, but they make a difference. They add meaning to our lives.
Today, I found one such number. My hundredth post. I realized that i reached this grand number the last time i wrote. It is remarkable simply because it doesn't feel so long since i started writing. I can vividly recall wondering aloud why i wanted to have pieces of me and my thoughts strewn in public view for all to read. And here i am today, a few months down the line, writing my 100th post and it feels good !
I have found more meaning in my life as i have written and dissected things with a fine needle. I have met people along the way who have been wonderful anchors in unusual ways. I have found a certain joy in writing and it is cathartic in some ways. I have found a window in my life which lets other people peep in and I have found new doors opening in my mind. People, friends, strangers have been a source for many of the ideas i have written about. They have led me to questions and sometimes helped me find answers too.
It has been a good story so far and i hope it only gets better from here.
Cheers to those hundred pieces of me that helped me find "me".....
But, some numbers are just special. They make life meaningful. Milestones become apparent and they are worth cherishing. They make life special.
The first birthday.
The first step.
The first day at school.
The first book you read.
The first "best friend".
The first date.
The first day at college.
The first day at work.
The first anniversary.
The silver, golden and platinum jubilees.
Number they all are, but they make a difference. They add meaning to our lives.
Today, I found one such number. My hundredth post. I realized that i reached this grand number the last time i wrote. It is remarkable simply because it doesn't feel so long since i started writing. I can vividly recall wondering aloud why i wanted to have pieces of me and my thoughts strewn in public view for all to read. And here i am today, a few months down the line, writing my 100th post and it feels good !
I have found more meaning in my life as i have written and dissected things with a fine needle. I have met people along the way who have been wonderful anchors in unusual ways. I have found a certain joy in writing and it is cathartic in some ways. I have found a window in my life which lets other people peep in and I have found new doors opening in my mind. People, friends, strangers have been a source for many of the ideas i have written about. They have led me to questions and sometimes helped me find answers too.
It has been a good story so far and i hope it only gets better from here.
Cheers to those hundred pieces of me that helped me find "me".....
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Hope...
In a world where almost everything is seemingly going wrong, i try to find my ground...
And i try to stand there like a rock against all storms...
The world sees a rock,
seemingly rigid and frozen, unchanging, unmoving, unaffected by the storm raging all around it...
But, they don't see that through all the storms, the rock is getting altered,
it is getting worn out and turning to dust ...
its resilience is getting tested and it will eventually give up
they don't see the cracks that seep through
nor the pieces that break off...
The rock is not immune to the forces of nature... it just shows immense courage in braving it all...
it cracks and it chips, it breaks and it wears out...
it will eventually turn to dust but before that it will hopefully stand out as a beautiful sculpture...
its struggle through the storms will hopefully give it a meaning and a purpose....
and then when it is all over,
the dust from the rock's struggle will hopefully give rise to new life,
a life which would not have been possible without the struggles...
a new beginning with a new meaning...
And that will hopefully give meaning to a life of struggle...
And that's the hope that i see for a rock in a world that's a raging tornado...
And that's the hope i live with day after day...
And i try to stand there like a rock against all storms...
The world sees a rock,
seemingly rigid and frozen, unchanging, unmoving, unaffected by the storm raging all around it...
But, they don't see that through all the storms, the rock is getting altered,
it is getting worn out and turning to dust ...
its resilience is getting tested and it will eventually give up
they don't see the cracks that seep through
nor the pieces that break off...
The rock is not immune to the forces of nature... it just shows immense courage in braving it all...
it cracks and it chips, it breaks and it wears out...
it will eventually turn to dust but before that it will hopefully stand out as a beautiful sculpture...
its struggle through the storms will hopefully give it a meaning and a purpose....
and then when it is all over,
the dust from the rock's struggle will hopefully give rise to new life,
a life which would not have been possible without the struggles...
a new beginning with a new meaning...
And that will hopefully give meaning to a life of struggle...
And that's the hope that i see for a rock in a world that's a raging tornado...
And that's the hope i live with day after day...
Relationships...
Some relationships dwell in silences and some in words
Some relationships are demanding and some just let you be
Some accept you as you are and some make you better
Some can find comfort in silences while some need words in assurances
Some let you be as you are and some make you realize your potential
they are both essential and they both make what life it is...
There are just different relationships, not one better or one worse...
There are just different kinds and not different levels...
There is no choice between the two because my life is not complete with either missing...
Some relationships are demanding and some just let you be
Some accept you as you are and some make you better
Some can find comfort in silences while some need words in assurances
Some let you be as you are and some make you realize your potential
they are both essential and they both make what life it is...
There are just different relationships, not one better or one worse...
There are just different kinds and not different levels...
There is no choice between the two because my life is not complete with either missing...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Future comes calling...
The future came knocking on my door today...
A future that i had hoped for and wished for...
a future i had craved for and dreamt of,
a future that had given my life some purpose for the past few years...
I knew it would come but then today, finally the knock came...
Its time to leave... !!
Am I ecstatic ? Am I on cloud nine ?
Well, I should be and I thought i would be ...
but strangely, as the future came knocking, the present and the past suddenly became dearer...
A world that i was longing to get away from suddenly had a strong hold on me...
The unknown is creating a fear in the pit of my stomach....
Farewells are suddenly imminent and so very real...
Distances are suddenly close...
Its a big step and I am reluctant to take it...
There is so much i have to leave behind...
There are so many pieces of me scattered all over....
How can I leave them all and go... ?
I want to take them all with me but I also know its not possible...
How do i detach myself from the people who are so much a part of me ?
How do I uproot myself from everything that made me "ME"
Things will never be the same again...
I know i will find my roots again and i know i'll grow
I know I'll deal with all that comes along
I know things will fall in place
I know its my chance to make my world, my way
and that its a new beginning
but despite all this i just don't want to let go...
I want to hold onto my life here for as long as i can, because deep down inside i know, it will never be the same again...
A future that i had hoped for and wished for...
a future i had craved for and dreamt of,
a future that had given my life some purpose for the past few years...
I knew it would come but then today, finally the knock came...
Its time to leave... !!
Am I ecstatic ? Am I on cloud nine ?
Well, I should be and I thought i would be ...
but strangely, as the future came knocking, the present and the past suddenly became dearer...
A world that i was longing to get away from suddenly had a strong hold on me...
The unknown is creating a fear in the pit of my stomach....
Farewells are suddenly imminent and so very real...
Distances are suddenly close...
Its a big step and I am reluctant to take it...
There is so much i have to leave behind...
There are so many pieces of me scattered all over....
How can I leave them all and go... ?
I want to take them all with me but I also know its not possible...
How do i detach myself from the people who are so much a part of me ?
How do I uproot myself from everything that made me "ME"
Things will never be the same again...
I know i will find my roots again and i know i'll grow
I know I'll deal with all that comes along
I know things will fall in place
I know its my chance to make my world, my way
and that its a new beginning
but despite all this i just don't want to let go...
I want to hold onto my life here for as long as i can, because deep down inside i know, it will never be the same again...
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Two worlds....
I live in two worlds and i flit back and forth between the two...
One is a world of pure rationality, where emotions, feelings and gut instincts have no say. Where i have to believe what the numbers tell me... and i have to defend my thoughts with numbers... here i fight with reason and with caution...
I define the problem and search for the answers...
When in this world, I am forced to abandon my heart and ignore my feelings of despair and ecstasy, of hope and fear, of pain and strength... !!! I live here with my mind fully in control. Its a place where every action is well thought out, where every possibility is analyzed and where every result is true... Its a world of objectivity and absolutes where perspectives don't matter.
And then i step out of the confines of this world of pure thought and there is another world where emotions rule the roost...
Where logic fails and where emotions dictate all... where rationality is a bystander as the heart takes over the mind... Where people dictate the rules and the norms...
Its a place where randomness rules and you just make the best of what is available... you battle bruised egos and hurt sentiments... you try to make sense without the numbers to your aid... Where nothing is significant or everything is...
Where relativity and the shifting perspectives mar your vision... where everything is subjective and nothing is objective !!!
I try in vain to straddle the two and i miserably fail...
I try to inject some passion and heart into the cold numbers
and I try to induce some rationality and thought into the latter...
but....
nothing changes as i battle alone against the boundaries of these two worlds...
I am desperately trying to make sense of each and still miserably failing in both...
One is a world of pure rationality, where emotions, feelings and gut instincts have no say. Where i have to believe what the numbers tell me... and i have to defend my thoughts with numbers... here i fight with reason and with caution...
I define the problem and search for the answers...
When in this world, I am forced to abandon my heart and ignore my feelings of despair and ecstasy, of hope and fear, of pain and strength... !!! I live here with my mind fully in control. Its a place where every action is well thought out, where every possibility is analyzed and where every result is true... Its a world of objectivity and absolutes where perspectives don't matter.
And then i step out of the confines of this world of pure thought and there is another world where emotions rule the roost...
Where logic fails and where emotions dictate all... where rationality is a bystander as the heart takes over the mind... Where people dictate the rules and the norms...
Its a place where randomness rules and you just make the best of what is available... you battle bruised egos and hurt sentiments... you try to make sense without the numbers to your aid... Where nothing is significant or everything is...
Where relativity and the shifting perspectives mar your vision... where everything is subjective and nothing is objective !!!
I try in vain to straddle the two and i miserably fail...
I try to inject some passion and heart into the cold numbers
and I try to induce some rationality and thought into the latter...
but....
nothing changes as i battle alone against the boundaries of these two worlds...
I am desperately trying to make sense of each and still miserably failing in both...
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Do as the romans do....
"When in Rome, Do as the Romans do"
A proverb we have all heard of, so very often... I have been at the receiving end of many such pieces of advice and every time i cannot but ask "Why ?"
Why is there such a premium on conformity and similarity? Why is difference not appreciated? Why does one have to pay a price for being different? Why don't we value a different perspective? why cant we even tolerate a different opinion? They are after all what make things new? Differences enrich our lives, they give us room to think and to improve, to learn and to unlearn? Similarities are boring and mind numbing, although vaguely comforting.... But is comfort worth the stagnation? Why live your life in boundaries defined by someone? Why not just go with the right thing?
Well..... There may be no absolute right and no absolute wrong and it may all be a matter of perspectives but they should be "your" perspectives and how can you all think the same... ??? Why do as the romans do when you have a sense of self and the clarity to do things differently and perhaps better ? Why not a new way ? Why tread the beaten path ? Why ? Why wallow in the comfort of familiarity when you have a better way ? Why do what the others do when you can be better ?
A proverb we have all heard of, so very often... I have been at the receiving end of many such pieces of advice and every time i cannot but ask "Why ?"
Why is there such a premium on conformity and similarity? Why is difference not appreciated? Why does one have to pay a price for being different? Why don't we value a different perspective? why cant we even tolerate a different opinion? They are after all what make things new? Differences enrich our lives, they give us room to think and to improve, to learn and to unlearn? Similarities are boring and mind numbing, although vaguely comforting.... But is comfort worth the stagnation? Why live your life in boundaries defined by someone? Why not just go with the right thing?
Well..... There may be no absolute right and no absolute wrong and it may all be a matter of perspectives but they should be "your" perspectives and how can you all think the same... ??? Why do as the romans do when you have a sense of self and the clarity to do things differently and perhaps better ? Why not a new way ? Why tread the beaten path ? Why ? Why wallow in the comfort of familiarity when you have a better way ? Why do what the others do when you can be better ?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)