Stuck and still unstuck... !! :)

"thamarai elai mel neer pol nee otti ottaamal iru.. "
 A nice line in a tamil song which literally translates into "Like the water droplet on a lotus leaf, you stick and are still not stuck" ...

Metaphorically, however, it means that you are a part of something and are still detached from it all, like the water droplet on a lotus leaf..

The essence of this sentence stayed in my mind for a while and got me thinking.

I am a person who leads my life larger than life. I am melodramatic in good measure.
I react more than others to situations. I am overjoyed at the sight of a little kid laughing and will smile for a good two minutes after that.

I smile when i feel the wind in my air and can almost hear a whisper there...
I hope when there is none when i know that things are bad... I always hope for a miracle. In fact, to my utmost charging, I have come to live by the maxim - "hope against all hopen".
And I feel disappointed every time the hope is unfulfilled... I feel the sorrow and the pain like never before..
I romanticize every moment and i live in my fantasies till reality catches up with me...
I walk with a spring in my step when i am happy, jump and hop over steps, simply because I am happy...
I jump with joy and punch in the air....
I lick my fingers and fight for chocolates....
I love the smell of the first rain and the feel of the wet grass...
I fling my anger in a rising tide than keep it simmering within....
I get angry and irritated and frustrated and jealous...
I question the ways of the world and I fight against the rules imposed... I try to be the exception than the norm...
I laugh and cry for the people on the screen knowing that it is not real,
I catch myself still hoping for a fairy tale ending... I have lived every moment and every emotion with all my heart and soul,
I have lived every failure and every success.

I have felt every heart break and lived through every anguish.
I have lived the deepest cuts and the most uplifting moments. I have been as attached with the situation as one could be. At the same time, as my heart was living every moment, my mind, tried to be the restraining voice of sanity and made me realize the transience of my experiences. The sane voice in my head, however, only made me come back to my default state faster, but it never reduced the intensity of my feelings. I still had my swings, my moments of exaggerated joy and my moments of deep despair, moments of doubts and moments of confidence.
And ever so often, when the going got tough, I would catch myself wishing for a more detached existence.
"If only, I did not involve myself so much with the events in my life, just be a spectator to the events and not feel the angst and the suffering, I could save myself so much pain."
True, but then, hey, Would i have really lived my life that way, cold and aloof from all that is and all that matters?
How can i disconnect from my experiences? How can I not feel every moment of my life as I pass through it ? It is painful, yes, but there are also moments of pure bliss and ecstasy.. which make it all worth the while...

I guess, its better to just "live" your life, feel every joy and every sorrow, live every dream and every heart break and grow with the climes than just experiencing life like an outsider with a ring side view. No.... I prefer to live life as it is... it may be joyous at times and painful at many others, but its still a part of me that i will cherish...

I guess, one should melodramatize life, for sometimes that's the only way that makes sense...