Meandering in my mind's spaces.....

The rational and the logical part of the human mind is a rather distinct entity from the emotional which is probably what gave rise to the heart - mind duality as it exists even today. Human emotions are far from rational, yet they are powerful enough to direct the course of history!

I was having a rather innocuous conversation the other day which began with my cribbing about having to do something that I didn't feel like. My friend, bearing the brunt of my cribbing, of course supported me and said that one should only do things you want to and not because you have to. True, very true! This is something I have always believed in, being a non-conformist who has often supported an existence and relationships based on beliefs and desire than on need and opportunism (to clarify, I hate people who are cordial and polite when they really dislike you, only out of social propriety - that really gets to me to no end !!). But then at this point in the conversation, I realized that I was saying the exact opposite of what I believed in. I had done things and was in fact going to do things simply because I thought them to be right… not because I wanted to do them… this of course raised a question of some importance, What do we do ? How do we choose our actions ? Do we choose the right things to do (when we have that clarity of course) or do we do what we want to do ? Is doing the right thing always a more difficult option to exercise ? Is following one's heart always easy ? {Imagine a situation - someone you really dislike from the bottom of your heart (for follies of their own) is in a spot of bother and requests you for help… your desire would be to refuse any help and move on … but the right thing would be to do what you can to help)… What do you do ?

Complicating matters further is the realization is that a lot of times in life, we do not necessarily want the right things in life (starting from that innocuous extra chocolate or ice cream when on a diet to desiring the company of a person for the rest of your life who you think may not be the best for you - questions of varies magnitude and implications !!!)… the heart does have mysterious ways and it does want things which are not always right…

We end up listening to our heart more often than not, we indulge, we form relationships based on our likes and dislikes… We don’t always do the right thing… We go with our instincts and I always thought that was the way to go because then I am the only person responsible for my actions and I have no one else to blame. I have always believed in minimizing pretenses and not giving false impressions (to the extent that I can appear cold and insensitive and maybe even scary to strangers)… But the fact is that when I care for someone, I do it with all my heart and soul and with all the honesty I can muster… The people in my life are the most important to me and I don’t really care what the rest of the world thinks… but then the other day, I realized that more often than not when it comes to a question of choosing between the right thing to do and my choices, I almost always chose to do the right thing. Why do I deny myself happiness, this freedom to do what I want to ? What prevented me from following the selfish course I so often preach and instead resort to doing the right thing ? I don’t expect anyone to do it, then why do I ? Am I scared of being happy or am I scared of guilt ? I guess, the answer lies somewhere between these two… I am scared of being happy since I know it will not last forever and when melancholy comes calling It would hit me hard. But I probably do so because of guilt… If I don’t do the right thing, I will never be able to feel happy… I will never be able to redirect the blame for the injustices meted out by fate, I will have to bear with all that goes wrong in my life (as it more than occasionally does) to be a result of my actions… I will be responsible for all the "bad" that happens in my life (perhaps in a more mystic and karmic way but hey what goes around comes around !!)… I guess, I just choose the easier way out when I decide to do the right thing in my life. It does perhaps take more courage sometimes to follow your heart and not do the right thing… !!!

I guess our choices and our actions are all contextual… its just about perspectives and the shifts therein… !!