They say the only thing that remains constant in life is change. Change is life and life is change !
For the last few days, i have been spending a lot of time wondering about one single question - Do people change and can we change people ? It actually brings up more questions like - why do we want to change people ? Is it right to change them ? This thought has been recurring for many years now but it has been consuming me in entirety for the past few days.
People change, things change.
I know I have changed.
From the little tomboy to the teenage rebel to the young woman of today.... I have discovered myself along the way and evolved to being who I am...
From believing in absolute right or a an absolute wrong, I have come to appreciate perspectives for how they can alter everything. I have moved on from the blacks and the whites and discovered greys. I realize that not everything is a monotone and that the world and its people are richly hued and multi-dimensional. I have learnt to judge people and then to not take the judgement too seriously.... I have learnt to view myself as a third person and see myself for what i seem to be... Time has changed me as a person and moulded me... I am a lot more tolerant and patient than I was as a teenager. Today, I am confident of myself and my abilities. I am aware at the same time of my weaknesses and my foibles. I love myself for what i am and I am ready to accept others for what they are (although it is a bit of a struggle still... I have indeed come a long way).
As I look at the changes, i also realize that through all this change has survived a part of me that has not changed - a deeper part that defines me. A part that hates superficiality, that values truth and honesty, abhors a lot of the worldly ways and therefore forms its own moral codes, a part that questions the world and isn't scared of the consequences, a part that wants to go beyond appearances and find the deeper insight. A part that finds it easier to accept a bitter truth than a pleasant lie, a part that hates being bound by opinions and people.
I am still the girl who questioned religion, superstition, cultural practices, the virtue of sacrifice and selflessness. I still believe that no society, culture or religion should have to dictate the right and wrong to the world. I still believe that doing anything out of fear or greed is not right; and that morality should be determined by the individual and that people being moral out of a fear of persecution are not actually moral. I still believe that i shouldn't want to mould and chisel people so that they fit my cast. I still believe that the world must move beyond its stereotypes and focus on the real thing. I believe that the world should move beyond conformity and learn to appreciate diversity. I also know that what i believe in not meant for the world of today and is perhaps far too utopian a picture to exist. As all my life's experiences have molded me... I find that while i have become wiser and calmer, the core of me is perhaps still the same. I am still the same girl who questioned everything, and believed in honesty; the only difference is that i am more aware and tolerant of others who don't.... Is this true for everyone ?
Do people basically remain the same or can they change.... ?
The more i think, the more i feel that people perhaps do not change at the core of their being. Certain aspects of their being probably just become more or less dominant as they adapt to the world. But, can people truly change ? Perhaps not... or perhaps yes... !! I know people can pretend to change and they can execute the part so well that even they could be fooled... but then, someday, the pretense just takes too much of a toll and the relationships which are based on that perceived change fall apart... I know it happens... At the start of a relationship, a small compromise may not mean much but over the years those tiny pieces of you that you kept aside at every step would come back to haunt you and nothing would then seem worth the relationship... Perhaps, that's why, people become bitter in a relationship... progressively over the years, till the entire pretense breaks open and one can only find bitterness within....
But does that mean that people cannot change.... ? I guess, one can change oneself provided one is completely convinced of the change and its purpose. Without this conviction, I guess people can never change...
But should we try and change people ? I must confess, I want to try each time despite what i believe in... but then, there is a voice of sanity which makes me leave soon after i present my picture.... And deep down, i honestly do believe that you cannot change a person until they truly believe in the change.
Certain experiences in life lay the foundation on which a certain future can be built...we all pass through different roads and start from different origins... our dreams and desires, our 'self' and our thoughts are all different and are a sum of many diverse parts. It is next to impossible for people to see your picture exactly as you see it, simply because they have grown up with a different world view... And why should they ? Differences are good and they highlight the other side and open your eyes to a world other than yours....
But then why do we have so much trouble with differences and why do we try to change people ? Why not just let people be ? Just pick out the ones you like enough (despite the differences) and build your life with them...
For the last few days, i have been spending a lot of time wondering about one single question - Do people change and can we change people ? It actually brings up more questions like - why do we want to change people ? Is it right to change them ? This thought has been recurring for many years now but it has been consuming me in entirety for the past few days.
People change, things change.
I know I have changed.
From the little tomboy to the teenage rebel to the young woman of today.... I have discovered myself along the way and evolved to being who I am...
From believing in absolute right or a an absolute wrong, I have come to appreciate perspectives for how they can alter everything. I have moved on from the blacks and the whites and discovered greys. I realize that not everything is a monotone and that the world and its people are richly hued and multi-dimensional. I have learnt to judge people and then to not take the judgement too seriously.... I have learnt to view myself as a third person and see myself for what i seem to be... Time has changed me as a person and moulded me... I am a lot more tolerant and patient than I was as a teenager. Today, I am confident of myself and my abilities. I am aware at the same time of my weaknesses and my foibles. I love myself for what i am and I am ready to accept others for what they are (although it is a bit of a struggle still... I have indeed come a long way).
As I look at the changes, i also realize that through all this change has survived a part of me that has not changed - a deeper part that defines me. A part that hates superficiality, that values truth and honesty, abhors a lot of the worldly ways and therefore forms its own moral codes, a part that questions the world and isn't scared of the consequences, a part that wants to go beyond appearances and find the deeper insight. A part that finds it easier to accept a bitter truth than a pleasant lie, a part that hates being bound by opinions and people.
I am still the girl who questioned religion, superstition, cultural practices, the virtue of sacrifice and selflessness. I still believe that no society, culture or religion should have to dictate the right and wrong to the world. I still believe that doing anything out of fear or greed is not right; and that morality should be determined by the individual and that people being moral out of a fear of persecution are not actually moral. I still believe that i shouldn't want to mould and chisel people so that they fit my cast. I still believe that the world must move beyond its stereotypes and focus on the real thing. I believe that the world should move beyond conformity and learn to appreciate diversity. I also know that what i believe in not meant for the world of today and is perhaps far too utopian a picture to exist. As all my life's experiences have molded me... I find that while i have become wiser and calmer, the core of me is perhaps still the same. I am still the same girl who questioned everything, and believed in honesty; the only difference is that i am more aware and tolerant of others who don't.... Is this true for everyone ?
Do people basically remain the same or can they change.... ?
The more i think, the more i feel that people perhaps do not change at the core of their being. Certain aspects of their being probably just become more or less dominant as they adapt to the world. But, can people truly change ? Perhaps not... or perhaps yes... !! I know people can pretend to change and they can execute the part so well that even they could be fooled... but then, someday, the pretense just takes too much of a toll and the relationships which are based on that perceived change fall apart... I know it happens... At the start of a relationship, a small compromise may not mean much but over the years those tiny pieces of you that you kept aside at every step would come back to haunt you and nothing would then seem worth the relationship... Perhaps, that's why, people become bitter in a relationship... progressively over the years, till the entire pretense breaks open and one can only find bitterness within....
But does that mean that people cannot change.... ? I guess, one can change oneself provided one is completely convinced of the change and its purpose. Without this conviction, I guess people can never change...
But should we try and change people ? I must confess, I want to try each time despite what i believe in... but then, there is a voice of sanity which makes me leave soon after i present my picture.... And deep down, i honestly do believe that you cannot change a person until they truly believe in the change.
Certain experiences in life lay the foundation on which a certain future can be built...we all pass through different roads and start from different origins... our dreams and desires, our 'self' and our thoughts are all different and are a sum of many diverse parts. It is next to impossible for people to see your picture exactly as you see it, simply because they have grown up with a different world view... And why should they ? Differences are good and they highlight the other side and open your eyes to a world other than yours....
But then why do we have so much trouble with differences and why do we try to change people ? Why not just let people be ? Just pick out the ones you like enough (despite the differences) and build your life with them...
2 comments:
awesome post ... :) keep up the good work:)
Thanks Srishti... glad you agree !!
Post a Comment